A little time

I've been wanting to update here but I've needed a little time. Time to think, reflect and accept. I reflect and still learning to accept but there never feels like there is enough time in this world to process my never ending flow of thoughts, so I'm taking a little time now to share it on here. One thing I have noticed is how everything links back to Marty in some shape or form and that gives me great comfort.

On 19th January 2022, one of my loveliest friends, Neil died from Bowel Cancer. I was lucky and privileged to have been able to spend a little bit of time with him before he died, hold his hand and just be there in his company. I've been wanting to post here for a while about the amazing walks me and Neil did to fundraise for Bowel Cancer UK but I'm not sure I still have the words so I'll let Neil speak for me, because it was what he was best at - talking:

• Neil's blog - Its Cancer Not Covid
• Cornwall Walks Together

Together we raised £3,464 for Bowel Cancer UK. The time and extra memories we made were precious, not just for me, but for everyone that took part with us and for that I am so thankful to have been apart of it.

Since Neil died, I managed to face a fear and go swimming in the sea with his partner in crime, wife Tricia. But since I took the plunge, Obi (my puppy) ate my sea shoes and I've not been back since or made time to buy another pair of shoes! This is a non-excusable excuse and something I am putting right this week; so Tricia, if you're reading this, I'm going to make it my priority to buy some new wet shoes and get back in the water with you and the other Cornish Sunrise Mermaids!*

*Now here's one of those lovely moments that happen at the right time just like they are in tune with you - Tricia just messaged me because she saw I was looking at Neil's blog, so I called her to catch up! Better get my new boots as I'm off swimming for the sunrise on Sunday!

So to carry on with my chain of thoughts and another significant event that has taken place was in February when I was made redundant from my role with Cornwall Fire and Rescue Service, where I'd worked for the past 14 years. So much history, time and memories that I'd been holding onto were about to come to an end and this triggered all sorts of emotions. Two BIG, massive chapters in my life seemed like they were ending. I was lucky enough to be able to talk through my fears of being made redundant and tell Neil of my new adventure I was about to embark* upon. Neil's outlook on life was very similar to Marty's and it meant a lot to have him around to talk things through. Neil's positivity and outlook on life made me take the courage I needed to take a leap of faith - what did I have to loose?

So what am I doing now? Well I decided to do what Marty would want me to do - something he wanted me to do years ago but I never had the confidence or strength to dip my foot in to try. I'm now self employed (this is still a very scary word for me) and I've been dog walking for a business in St Columb. I love my new job so much, I wish I had taken the step sooner to try my hand at something else.

Alongside the dog walking, I have also started with a crazy plan to build two shepherd huts to rent in the garden to generate a bit of income for future years.

The bit of news that has happened in-between all of this, is my step children's nan, Liz passed away on Monday 9th May. Liz was like a mum to the kids (they're no longer kids, they're amazing young adults) and it has been a massive shock to everyone as Liz was the glue that kept their side of the family together. She was a fantastic lady and one I had much time for. I'm so glad we spent Christmas all together last year and those memories of our dinner all sat around the table laughing and having fun will be a lasting memory for all of us. I will also be grateful to Liz, as she gave me the greatest gift when she persuaded me to meet a dog called Charlie that was looking for a new home. At the time I had just lost one of my dogs (Brew) and was nursing the other one (Hex). They were like mine and Marty's children and I had been dreading and preparing myself for their departure from this world. It was like Liz knew what I needed without me even realising or wanting to see it. Loosing Brew and Hex was a lot for me so having Charlie squidge in the middle some how made it much easier for me to accept and has given all of us living at our home in Ennsicaven much joy, laughter and snuggles with him - and now Obi too - my whippet puppy.
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Today's tipping point to stop and take some time for me and update my blog in memory of Marty, has been the news that I have been hoping wouldn't come. The amazing Deborah James - more commonly known as the Bowelbabe has been my hope for a better future for those that are diagnosed with bowel cancer from any age but especially the young, where diagnosis is all too often too late.

Bowel cancer shattered my life but people like Deborah have helped me and others get through it by never giving up hope for the future. She made talking about poo taboo be normal and not something you need to be ashamed about.

This week has been overwhelming for so many reasons and I will be buying Deborah a drink for sure to support her fund www.bowelbabe.org. Please show her support for all she has done to raise awareness and buy her one too and share the love.

So that's it, I'm all caught up. Life is tough and I've just off loaded the most heavy bits of it here. There's just one final thing I just want to do and that's take a moment to thank everyone that is in my life right now. The past years have been far from easy but we've got through it together.

Ant, I doubt you'll read this because its not really your thing but I could never have got through everything and come out the other side if you weren't supporting me with each decision and step I have taken and we take together. Even when we don't quite get things right - like you cutting down the Buddleia instead of digging it up, we can see the funny side and I still love you and that's all that matters because nothing else does.

Marty, you will always live on, in me, deep in my heart and that's where you will always be.

Mum, Dad, & Rachel I love you dearly even when there are fallouts over Iceberg lettuce for the tortoise! Thank you for letting Toby stay with me, we will have the greatest adventures all together.

My Aunt Chris and Uncle Tony who I love loads. Thank you for always checking in at the right moment and giving me the encouragement and support I need to hear. Your phone call this morning Chris was perfectly timed as ever.

Kyle, Shannon, Cal, Katie, Amber, Ben, Madison, Mason, Mateya you are my world and total chaos at times but I wouldn't change a thing.

Linda and Tony, I will love you always.

To all my friends that get me, give me your time and support, thank you. You're all as mad as me and I think the world of you all x

* Embark is my new favourite word because it makes me giggle when I use it as I can drop it in to tell people how I'm embarking on a new chapter in my life to start my dream job of working with dogs - It's like a New Dawn is coming (Dawn is my middle name).

And I'm posting this without having to proof read but so what. I need to get showered and out for the dogs! Have a good day everyone xxxx

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